It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

As some of you know, Semester at Sea lost one of its participants. In the early morning of Friday, November 7, 2008, Kurt Leswing, a student from the University of Wisconsin, passed away after being struck by a car. I did not know Kurt well, he had started attending Ambassador’s meeting a month before his death, and I had not yet been able to see his potential as a leader. Others will do a better job of talking about Kurt, his kindness and pursuits to grow as a global citizen. So, instead I will focus on my experience and my observations of the student body and shipboard community.

I had arrived in Beijing the late afternoon of November 7, 2008. The ship had learned of Kurt’s death late that afternoon as well. His ship’s ID had not been with him and Hong Kong officials had not known that he was a student with SAS. The next day, I headed from my hotel room to breakfast where I was informed that Kurt had died. I took a deep breath and then thought about how to tell our students. I couldn’t cry, but my heart ached for Kurt, his family, and the students. We gathered on the bus, which was its noisy self. People were excited; today we were going to the Great Wall of China. Mike, our trip leader, softly told the students what happened. The students were silent, hushed by sadness and shock. Dana, one of my residents cried softly. I handed her a tissue. I offered to speak to anyone who needed to. The drive to the cloisonné factory was silent. After our excursions, people were happy and laughing. But he was not far from people’s mind. Lisa, one of the chairs for the Ambassador’s intercultural committee, reminded me that he was part of our group. Dana tearfully said “We lost someone in our community.” We met students who were on independent trips who learned about it from our students or by email or text.

As we made or way back from Beijing, students noted how odd it was to not be around during the tragedy. Students felt frustrated, sad, angry, and guilty. I headed back to my cabin when I returned, but I couldn’t sleep so I sat in the hallway with my laptop. A crying student passed me, and I gave him a hug. He stated that he didn’t know Kurt well, but that it made him remember his sick father at home. Another student who had recently lost a family member said her heart went out to the family who she knew must be in pain. Students were quiet and somber. Shalina, his LLC, came up to me, and Brooke Roberts who was on duty. The three of us hugged, kissed, and cried. We broke off to go back to our rooms.

The next day, after we were all on board and ready to sail to Japan we met to inform the entire student body and answer questions we all might have. I sat in the back with other staff, and stared at my feet while I cried into my hands. The Union was silent, with occasional coughing and noses being blown. The meeting was informative, but unfulfilling. After Japan we will have a commemorative service, to say goodbye.

As those in Student Affairs know, losing a student is the worst thing that can happen. The shipboard community has come together, which is beautiful. But my heart still aches. On the links section is a link to the SAS information about Kurt’s death. I wish I could end on a happy note, instead I will with his favorite quote:

"Take the anger from your hearts. Wipe the tears from God's eyes. And live a life of love." – Archbishop Desmond Tutu at his talk with SAS in South Africa